IllogiNews:Майкл Джексон
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
MOSCOW, RUSSIA
The Soviets are back! They are out to get you! No one can stop them and their communist revolution this time! Their leader, Egregious Phillin will make us eat our own rags! Help us, God! Help us! Wait, commies banned God! Oh, no, I'm a lousy journalist and now I'm going to be thrown in the brig! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm in a pickle sandwich for my transgression, please bail me out! I'll give you an all-expense-paid trip to the local McDonald's! Obama won't even bail me out! PLEASE!
What in the heck does the title of this article mean, anyways? Is it some sort of communist conspiracy? Or is it something to do with squirtable cheese? Or something about something completely irrelevant to the article? I wish I would have paid attention in my college Portugese classes. Or is the title in Spanish? Russian? Flapjackish? English? I DON'T KNOW! I'VE BEEN PONDERING LOADS OF TRIVIAL CRAP SINCE I'VE BEEN LOCKED UP! PLEASE HELP ME!
“Please bail me out!”
“NO!”
“PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!”
“NO! NO MEANS NO!”
“PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!”
“NO! HERE'S A BULLET!”
“AHHHHHHH! I'M DEAD!”
“OH YEAH! WHO DA MAN?”
“Not you!”
He's gone and I don't know what else to add. Please enjoy a hearty serving of Frosted Flakes!
Our reporter Jimmy was a good man. We hope he is happy up above. The news is out and please enjoy some American Idol rerun crap or that stupid Bachelorette reruns or some old Star Trek shows only geeks know about.