Trained professionals
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A trained professional is someone who has a job and is either on or under a train.
Instructions on how to train a professional
- Find yourself a professional. Anyone who has a job will do nicely. Amateurs won't work. An amateur is someone who does the same work as a professional only he or she doesn't get paid money for it. Your dad is probably a professional. (or maybe someone else's dad, but only on Thursdays)
- Find yourself a train. Good places to find trains include near train tracks, at train stations and not in my bathtub. An advanced hypnotist may be able to summon a train out of a television program.
- Put the professional on the train. This may involve buying the professional a ticket (you may try getting him or her to buy it for you with some of the money they have gotten from being professional) buying the professional a ticket online, stealing the professional a ticket and using the internet to download someone else's ticket on a peer to peer file sharing network. You may also decide to skip the ticket buying stage and stow away the professional onboard the train somehow.
- If the professional doesn't want to board the train, get some rope and tie him or her to the tracks. In this eventuality, you can still get a trained professional by literally training him or her with an actual train.