A Dream Sequence Article

Woah, where am I? There's bananas floating all around, like nutritious little paper aeroplanes. Aww look they've achieved aviation by flying on the wings of love, I knew they'd never make it past unit 2 of that aerodynamics course. And wow, the sun's right next to me. I can feel it's light, penetrating my eyes like a sufficiently strong and focussed solar ray/creepy uncle that recently died of an inflamed mullet. I'm drawn to it as a moth. Well, more liek as a fat obese paralyzed moth that's not too big on light. But still look at it, it's like the star's been distilled and squashed into a bitesize chunk for me to get close to and enjoy. Bitesize chunk? Should I eat it? It looks kinda yummy, and I've always been able to drink tobasco so this can't be much different. But then again, working on the assumption that it's similar to Sunny D I'm not so sure. That stuff's not exactly great for you, and I'm not exactly in shape as it is. It's not my fault that dad was in the fridge, alright I guess I should have prepared for the possibility daddikins would want to jump out the fridge and surprise mother dressed as Sainsbury's finest. At least where I took a chunk out of him he's still able to pull off that routine. I don't think I will eat it, I can't seem to move anyway. Wait, I'm a moth?

I'm worried now, the ground seems to be slowly closing in around me. The sun's rays have began to flicker, and a strange bearded creature had to come in and replace it with a new one. From it's strange growling I was able to assatain that they don't make the sun liek they used to, and that those bloody EU suns just ain't the same!!! Ain't the same mate. Doesn't seem any different to me, I suppoose there is a subtle variation in the searing pain in my eyes. Maybe I shouldn't be staring at it like this. Oh I see it now, mmmmm, yellow melting. Hey, why is there a power ranger imprinted in the ground above me? I don't think he/she/Master Splinter/wait, that's the wrong show/umm/Pete Burns?/yeah, he'll have to do/and he does cater for both genders, which is always good/it's settled/Pete Burns is breathing.

I woke up the next morning to find the light was still on. Several colonies of moth martyrs lined the floor underneath, bless 'em. My illogic banana themed wall paper had congealed and the pink power ranger on my themed duvet was now a delicate shade of purple.

So how comes I'm still a moth?