A Normal Conversation
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I tried as much as i could to make a normal conversation with my friend. This is how it went:
- ME: So...hi, friend.
- FRIEND: Hey don't call me that. Call me my real name.
- ME: Okay...er...hi Mr. My Real Name.
- FRIEND: GAHHH! Try to be normal. Okay, other friend.
- ME: What lovely weather we are having.
- FRIEND: You call this lovely weather??? It's horrible!
- ME: I hope the weather stays the same.
- FRIEND: You hope the weather stays the same??? What goes on in that head of yours?
- ME: Thoughts.
- FRIEND: Thank you, Captain Obvious.'
- (Captain Obvious bursts out of the ground)
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: No need to thank me.
- FRIEND: I was making a figure of speech.
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Ah, i see. Just giving a speech. I always wondered how you could actually "give" one away though.
- FRIEND: That was also a figure of speech.
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Wow! Two speeches! You should be a lecturer.
- FRIEND: Let's try and make this normal. Goodbye, Captain Oblivious.
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Byes are good?? I thought saying bye to someone who was going to die is not good.
- FRIEND: I was just saying an everyday word in an everyday sentence.
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Well...i have a train to catch.
- FRIEND: Do you have a net to catch it with?
- CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Oh no, i haven't thought of that! I'd best buy a net!! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!!!
- (He runs to the net shop)
- FRIEND: That was....not normal.
- ME: What was?
- FRIEND: That.
- ME: I always thought that was normal.
- FRIEND: Well...that isn't anymore....do you even know what i'm talking about?
- ME: How should i know? I am merely a cameraman.[1]
- FRIEND: You don't even have a job, an occupation.
- ME" I have an occupation as a student.
- FRIEND: Shut up.
- ME: I was only programmed to shut down.
- FRIEND: You were programmed?
- ME: No, i was just trying to annoy you.
- YOU: Who? ME?
- ME: No, not you, You. Him.
- HIM: Who? ME?
- ME: Yes you, Him. Not to be confused with you, You.
- YOU: Sure thing.
- HIM: Sure is not a thing, let alone an object. I might state it is like slang even.
- YOU: Of course, sure is not a thing. Things do not have minds of their own.
- HIM: Sure does not.
- YOU: Ah, but it "sure does".
- HIM: Was that a pathetic attempt at a pun?
- YOU: No, i was just trying to make the story more exciting.
- HIM: That cannot possibly work.
- ME: Ah, but it can.
- HIM: Hey, do you actually know what i am referring to by "that"?
- ME: No, but i try.
- HIM: Trying is not as easy as it looks.
- ME: Yes, especially since trying does not look.
- HIM: Yes....i suppose so. Now i must catch a train....with this net.
- (He literally catches train)
- ME: So i'm left with you, You.
- YOU: Yes, you.
- ME: You are referring to yourself, right?
- YOU: No, i am referring to you.
- ME: Which is you, since you are You.
- YOU: Oh shut up. I'm leaving.
- ME: You have always left.
- FRIEND: Can someone tell me what's happening?
- YOU: I happened.
- ME: You happened long ago! LONG AGO!
- YOU: So it would seem if i did not live in a submarine.
- ME: YOU DO???
- YOU: ...This is why i don't try to rhyme.
- FRIEND: That...was a rhyme?
- ME: Rhyme time.
- FRIEND: I got a good rhyme. Why do pigs fly?
- ME: IS that a question or a rhyme?
- FRIEND: Both.
- ME: SO, it's a questyme?
- FRIEND: No. It is both.
- BOTH: I am both. Clarify, please.
- FRIEND: See. He is both. Both, as in both things. Both (himself) and both (questyme).
- BOTH: No you are confusing me. I am Both as in both.
- ME: So...as in Both, right?
- BOTH: No, but as in both.
- ME: No difference.
- BOTH: No. One difference.
- FRIEND: Indifference?
- BOTH: No. One difference.
- FRIEND: OH, go away.
- BOTH: I have gone this way many times. Many times.
- ME: This is hardly normal.
- HARD LEE: Who called me? WACHOW!
- ME: WHAT IS THIS WACHOW YOU SPEAK OF?
- HARD LEE: Eh? This Wachow is meaty dumpling thing.
- BOTH: Meaty dumpling thing.... Is that all of them?
- HARD LEE: No, but a threesome.
- BOTH: And that would be?
- HARD LEE: ALL! I AM CORRECT!
- (he leaves)
- BOTH: I must part.
- (he also leaves)
- (someone shuffles their fingers and clicks their feet)
- PERSON: Doo-dah-dee-dum-dah-dee-doo.
And so....this is not as normal as you think, but rather abnormal?
- ME: Do you mean as in...my abdomens are normal?
No, i mean as in abnormal.
- ME: I see.
- BLIND GUY: Well, i don't.
References
- ↑ See I'll ask the questions here! for the full story.