Acne-B-Gone!

As we all know, zits are completely unnacceptable. Most people commit suicide if they develop more than three zits simultaneously, and they have to be masked at their funerals so relatives won't be exposed to the shockingness of the zits. Miley Cyrus is expected to be executed when she develops her first zit, because as we all know the worst thing we could possibly have in America is a famous person who actually looks like a human being.

But what can YOU, the average citizen, do to combat the horrors of zits? We here at Schmip Industries have developed an Acne remedy that is 100% successful 100% of the time. Just call our toll free number and we'll send a trained specialist to your home, who will perform a delicate procedure of light, low-risk surgery. The patended procedure is known as "completely removing the face, then quickly leaving the room."

We guarantee that if you sign up for our face-removal plan, you'll never have a zit again as long as you live! There are two reasons for this: you can't get zits if you don't have a face, and "as long as you live" is only about five hours because we CUT OFF YOUR FACE!

Call today, and be the envy of your friends! Or at least be the envy of the friends of yours who haven't yet slipped into unconsciousness from overdosing on cosmetic medications!