Brick monster

You're walking down a dark alley with a couple old candy bars stuffed into your pocket. Noticing that they are covered in mold, you further investigate. In deep concentration you wedge your hand down your pocket to dig for the misterious scent that is creeping up from your pocket. It smells faintly of soap and an old turkey baster put together.

You encounter and anchor and your pet turtle which consequently bites off you hand. You think "Aw, fuck. I lost my hand. Damned Chester, I knew i never should have given him them damned roids. I better go--" But before you could finish you thought, a rat scurries across the ground. You start running in circles, but then twenty thug nuns close you in the alley. In desperation, you pull out your 9mm handgun can of ravioli.

"Oh shit, pasta." Says one of the nuns.

The brick monster jumps out and rips off your arm.

9 months and a couple hash browns later...

Your eyes open up. There is no light, no sound, no faint smell of lamb kidneys, nothing to even comprehend. Nothing. Except a couple bags of curdled milk. So for several hours you are floating around in the nothingness, and that bag of milk seems to be giving you a dirty look.

"What are you looking at, you douche?"

"Oh nothing," responds the bag.

You reach for the self destruct button which has conviently showed up in front of you, and give it a push.

THE End, mate. How does some tea sound?

"Quite swell, thank you." you say.

So you're still alive, eh? I thought the damned self destruct button was the end.

"Well you're wrong."

Well please continue then.

The button clicks, and then the world lights up. As it turns out you are sitting on top of a camel which has been tied to a car and left to rot for several days. Noticing the smell, you take a bight of old camel flesh. It tastes like.... blue whale blubber. You look around. There must be someone watching you. looking quickly in every direction, you completely miss the dog sitting on your foot. It barks, and once again, you find yourself slipping into the depths of nothingness. Then a brick monster is in front of you.

"Cereal?" is all you can mutter.

This time it's only 6 months and two pounds of butter later. So there.

A bloody heck, you're stuck in a bird cage. You better get that old monkey over there to help you out.

At this time there is only the cage, the butter, and also a snail?

"A snail? Boy am I in trouble!" says the head cook. He grabs all of his knives and throws them at a picture of Al Gore.

"It's just too much fun," he says.

Then China slipped and dropped a coupled nuclear war heads.

The End. for real this time. I think.

Yes, you are right.

Awesome.

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