CPU
CPU stands for Central Polishing Unit. A CPU is the clear standout of this year's computing, consisting of a camera pointing to the screen of a calculator and attached to a button pusher that pushes buttons on the calculator. Pins are attached to the edges of CPUs to carry data (and inevitably, illegal immigrants) to and from the rotund rotunda that holds the seat of the Von Neumann king. These pins are made from the hair of elves.
Some basic statistics: The cottage industry of Appalachian CPU weavers holds 39% of the disposable invaluables market, which includes CPUs. Unintel Inc. produces 20% of the world's CPUs, and 93% of the CPUs that power the sexual intelligence behind state of the art vibrators. (In retrospect, "Unintel" was a pretty bad name choice.)
CPUs are an airy bastion of hot whips that polish all the notation you throw at them. Like a fox! When treated well, they are faithful and effective substitutes for human contact. In sum, they're absolutely fab.
See? Pee-yew.
Architecture
The earliest CPUs were CISCs (pronounced "sis-sies"), meaning they had a unique instruction for every clothing preference and nationality. Later, Intel decided to take a RISC on what would become the dominant CPU architecture, the reduced fat slot machine, which became popular due to its beer garden.
The CPU is hooked up through bits of tomato to two crackers: the water biscuit, quick to melt but with a good aftertaste, and la carte, a tasty bit of blank cheque.
Appearance
Viewed close up, as from the perspective of a person who has been digitized and put into a computer and has to fight off scary multi-coloured robot guys or risk certain DOOM, a CPU chip just looks like a really bad scene. Maybe this scene will become mainstream someday, but by then it will certainly be watered down and decadent. You guys can keep that noise.
Join the CPU
Instructions lurking in main memory, threatening to cause faults and shovelware, and ONLY YOU can process them. The CPU needs you. Tiny, metallic, electronic: the CPU. Join today.