Category talk:Aliens

Explaining alien visitations

I have spent a long time reading up on alien encounters and visitations and, though I don't have any "qualifications" in this field, have arrived at a conclusion that explains the somewhat confusing information avaialable to us.

The fundamental questions are: why would intelligent creatures travel the lengths and breadths of the universe to chat with crazy people, cut up our cows, play connect the dots with our crops, and randomly anal probe americans (if you check the stats you will find that most people anal probed are americans). To the first I will propose that all humans are crazy and the crazier we are the more fun we are to talk with. To the second I will say that they probably think the cows are americans (an understandable mistake). To the third I will say that they are just having a lark with our crops. The last I will say is self explanatory (don't we all ultimately want to anal probe americans).

This brings us to the final enigma, the mystery to which we all wish to know the answer. Why do they visit us in the first place without making any formal contact with our leaders? When you go to a zoo do you ask to speak to the head monkey? And if you did, what would you peers think of you? Any species smart enough to travel the immense distances across the universe would be smart enough to understand the current state of human nature. In short, if we were to have formal contact with aliens, we would try and steal their technology and then use it against them. So why then do they visit us at all? Again I propose a simple explanation. If you were travelling across the globe and just happened to be passing by Africa wouldn't you want to pay a quick visit to a nature reserve? See the hippos, laugh at a hyena, wonder at the stupidity that is a giraffe. They are, ultimately, tourists, zipping by having a look and buggering off again.

So the next time you find yourself wondering when the aliens will arrive to make everything better for us, go to a zoo, have a look at the monkeys, and wonder why we aren't doing anything to make life any better for them.