Childhood Realizations

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In the average child's well... childhood they realize some things that flabbergast them. These are their stories. And they're not in order....

Realization I

In every child's life they learn that when you hear a song on the radio the band is not playing it live when you hear it. This came after I asked my father how The Who could play the song if their drummer is dead. He thus laughed at me. I was an emo three year old...

Realization II

Another tragic thing that children realize in their life is that anchor people on the news don't give a rats ass about the stories they report. It really dawned on me when I noticed their facial expressions didn't change when they read about a dead three-year old- they were smiling earlier....

Realization III

This is probably the latest realization but it is very weird when you put the pieces together and you realize that the stork did not put you on your parent's doorstep. I realized this in the third grade and yes, I was and am very mature for my age. If you didn't realize it between your birth and 5th grade they have THE VIDEO to show you exactly what happens when you're born. They also talk about puberty in a very awkward way, always calling it "exciting changes". Too many 15 year old actors for a 10/11 year olds to handle...

Realization IV

This realization comes shortly after realization III. It is when you put the pieces together that since sex makes babies, your parents had sex and you start to imagine that. You can call me a pervert but when that dawned on you you had to imagine it, too.... SO WRONG....

Realization V

The fifth realization is when you realize that people die. That's really just it.

Realization VI

Probably the weirdest and most mind-bending realization is one that occurs in science class between 4th and 6th grade. It is when you realize that the universe is FRIGGIN' GIGANTIC! For some odd reason your heart sinks and you feel so scared.

Realization VII

This one is something that some children never realize but many do. It is the day where you realize that teachers are not geniuses and they are just reading a curriculum. This usually comes when you ask your teacher a question and then flat-out don't know it because it's not in the curriculum or in my case, you're just plain smarter than your teacher, and I'm not lying. Not to brag, but I am a freaking genius. Like being called "The Walking Encyclopedia"', genius. No joke....

Realization VIII

Probably one of the most important realization is when you realize that Nemo from Finding Nemo never did and never will exist. This dawned on me when I was 4 when I was watching "Rugrats in Paris". By the way, if you really have no life, you can look that up and find out how old I am, just don't tell anyone :-).

Realization IX

Realization 9 is when you realize that you were once that crying baby THAT IS INTERRUPTING THE FREAKING MOVIE AND YOU WANT TO HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER, OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!!.... Yeah...

Realization X

The tenth and final realization. It is when you realize that unless you are rich, no one other than people you know personally, gives a sh*t about you. It sucks... I know but it's true....