Diplomacy
“If you make peace with my country I'll give yer an egg roll”
“If you stop trading with us I'll take away the egg roll”
“I don't like egg rolls anyway!”
Diplomacy is very similar to making love to an elephant. You can't get a grip, you can't push it in and sometimes you fall off. Usually though diplomacy has long since been the domain of retired landowners, who have for some reason or another given up fencing for their pastime and went on to chat to other people from around the world in a physical manner.
Diplomacy, as defined by the United Nations is "the ongoing effort to make peaceful ways of uniting people that are completely and utterly different from each other." In other words, everyone is so occupied with poking their heads down sand holes in the desert, that they cant find any excuse to eat sand.
Early diplomacy
A single celled amoeba once went up to a warring tribe and told them to stop. The warring tribe ignored it though, because they couldn't see it with the naked eye and neither could they hear it because single celled lifeforms cant talk. unfortunately.
Frankly, early diplomacy was quite primitive. Everyone relied on small dwarves that were covered in cement. When the cement dried everyone knew it was time for Pimms.
Funny diplomacy
Funny diplomacy is a method used by diplomats, in which they scatter jokes amongst their propositions. One famous example is the Munich talks...
- Chamberlain: Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Hitler: NEIN NEIN! VAT IZ ZIS RUBBISH?!
- Chamberlain: I don't want you to invade Poland
- Hitler: Continue the joke
- Chamberlain: He vanted to get to ze other side.
- Hitler: Hah ha, good one Roland.
- Chamberlain: My name's Neville Chamberlain.
This method was also used by a fishing rod. The fish didn't buy it though as it had revealed it was a washing machine.