Fli: Under The Bowl

Before bowls, there were slabs of wood that you ate off. These never caused problems to flys unless they were strategically, but with speed, placed upon the fly. This was fair enough. Flys accepted their fate with a wooden plate. However, one day, a genius of a man invented a curved plate, which bent in the centre.

"Haha! My new invenshion!"

He spoke like the grandpa figure in Rugrats. Never really got that show, scared me sometimes. Made me realise that babies are more capable than I thought. So surely murder isn't out the question, especially when flys bug the babies.

Flys that aren't happy

"Oh man..."

A fly mumbled to himself on the roof

"Another obstacle. Looks like it could be a trap. Here! Stiddy! STIDDY!!"

"What Diddy man? I'm sleeping."

"The genius guy who talks like the grandpa figure in Rugrats has inveted a bowl."

"Oh great. Another obstacle."

Stiddy cleared up after himself on the wooden bracket on the roof.

"So, Diddy. What's gonna happen now?"

The genius decided what a great idea it would be to place a form of liquid inside the curved plate so that it would hold it in place. He rummaged frantically around, searching for the nearest liquid he could find.

"Well, it looks like the idiot genius guy has gotten excited. Kinda like when a kid sees a soldier, and pretends to swing his arm around like hes holding a sword, when in actual fact he's holding a stick that couldn't even do damage to a fly."

"That's us! Wait, have we even been discovered yet?"

"Who knows? Fish are around, so maybe..."

"AAARGGGH!! WHERE!"

"There's no fish."

"Thank God. Wait, is God real?"

"How the hell would I know? I'm a fly. All I know is, bowls have just been invented. Oh wait, look. The idiot genius guy is slowing down"

The genius slowed down drastically, and got upset. He pondered what he could use to fill the bowl with. Until it hit him.

Beast of an idea!

"Haha! If this worksh, then maybe making a larger curved plate will make it hold even more liquid!"

The genius spat into the bowl, and observed tentatively. He realised his efforts had failed him. He had used all the water from the morning to wash himself, so was dehydrated.

"Damn. Of all the daysh to have a wash, I pick thish one. What are the oddsh? 365 daysh in a year is it, and I decided to throw it all over myself and make a mess of my clothesh? Oh well, at leasht there's lessh space for a fish to live in. Damn, those things are slippy, like mucus covered animals, or something. Fish need to die!!"

The geniush (sorry, couldn't help it) threw all his possesions into the bowl. His wooden spoon, his firewood, hell, even his wooden watch. They all sat nicely in the mini pool of spit. He slammed his chin onto the table which the bowl sat on, observing for any leaks or spillage.

"Brilliant! It works!"

MUST TELL EVERYONE!!

The genius sprung up, running out of the mud hut and into the village centre. Stiddy and Diddy saw a great opportunity to inspect this new invention.

"Look, he's gone! Let's go closer..."

They flew towards the bowl, and sneaked through the gaps of the wooden spoon and other objects which I can't be bothered scrolling back up and looking for.

"Hey man, pretty cool in here! Eurgh! Spit! Here's Stiddy, look out for this spit at the bottom of... hey, what you doing??"

"What?" Stiddy licked the spit uncontrollably.

"Oh shit. The idiot genius guy is back. Hide!"

The genius happly danced around, and picked up the bowl. The objects in the bowl bounced around from all the dancing, and Diddy and Stiddy got thrown into the jungle of bounciness... if that even makes sense.

"OH NO! DIDDY! WHERE ARE YUUUUUU...!"

"Argh! Darkness, but with a hint of brown!"

Stiddy was worried. "I'm worried" He said. "I don't know where Diddy has gone."

Quite a pickle, is this pickle

Then suddenly, out of nowhere... a fairy appeared!! wWll, it wasn't exactly nowhere, because there was only the bowl to emerge from, while most of the world was on the outside of the bowl. So in fact, it was more like know-where.

"I'm your fairy friend! I can guide you out of this hell hole!"

"That I must do!"

"So where are we then?"

"I don't know. Stuck in a bowl or something."

"Oh."

"What's up?"

"Sorry, I can't help you. Bye"

"No! Don't go!"

Must get help!

The fairy was fairly odd.

"Ohh look! Some spit!" *Proceeds to lick up*

It liked the idea of different flavours of the spit kind.

Stiddy had to think quick about what he was going to do to keep the fairy here. He decided to spit all over the place, hoping that it would keep the fairy from escaping.

"Hey there's more appearing!" The fairy continued to lick up the spit. Man, at least it's not another fluid...

"I'll have that too!"

"EW! Oh wait, actually, according to Health News Weekly, drinking urine is actually quite healthy"

"Never knew they did magazines in this day of age."

Must find Diddy!

"Will you help me please? I've lost my bro, he's in here somewhere..."

"There is is." *points to Diddy*

"Hi Stiddy"

"Oh. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Now how about we get that idiot genius and destroy the bowl before anyone finds out it exists?"

"Good idea! I'll get my axe"

Planning permissions

So Stiddy and Diddy, and also the fairy planned a plan. Until Stiddy hatched something...

"OH MY GOD! You just laid an egg!" Diddy watched in awe.

"Not just any egg, a 'plan' egg!"

"Oh man. It's not another one of your tricks you play on the begging public is it? By taking a letter out of the word 'plain' and then selling it as if it's a new product?"

"No, it's a good kind of plan. The sort you eat and think 'Oh my word, that was some egg... I must contact the Media'!"

"Okay so what's this goddamned plan already??"

"Well, you know that holes can get rid of liquid?"

"Yes?"

"We pierce a hole into this bowl, and then the water he will put in will drain out. Resulting in a useless invention and a humiliated genius!"

"Excellent! What's the catch?"

"It'll be us if we don't hurry up! Come on!"

Success!!

Stiddy found a knife in the bowl.

"Look if we hold this at the same time, we can calve out a hole in the bottom. Grab that end!"

They all held onto the knife with ease, even though they were flys and didn't have hands. Pretty cool sight, should have got a photo. Oh wait yes, no cameras in those days. Had to draw pictures. But fast. So they weren't exactly detailed.

The hole finally appeared in the bowl. Just at this moment, unaware of the events, the genius poured water into the bowl.

"Watch how this water is retained!!"

The genius and the onlooking public watched the water from the bowl slip away through the hole.

Spanner in the bowl... I mean, works...

An onlooker said "What is this? Some kind of drainage system?". The genius struggled for words, until he realised that in the end, it doesn't matter what he does. Becuase it'll look far more superior than anything these idiots he lives with could conjure up. So he simply said:

"Yesh, it's a drainage system. Look how the water drains away through the hole."

Silence hit the group. They looked at each other...

"HOOORRAAAYYY!"

"That's the first invention we've seen in over 13 years! What a day! I'll tell my kids about this, they will rejoice and be inspired by it. Mr Genius man, I'm gonna call you... the Messiah!"

Stiddy and Diddy couldn't believe what they'd seen, nor experienced due to this idiot genius trying to earn another buck. Diddy piped up:

"Oh bugger. He is now claiming he's invented the sink."

"I got wet for nothing!"