Hammer Time
STOP!
Before continuing to read this article and learn of the deep, dark secret that is Hammer Time, please be sure that you are not:
- Heavily medicated
- Dead
- A celebrity
- Stupid
- Smarter than any of the Jonas Brothers
- MC Hammer's mother
Otherwise, please continue.
How to use
Whenever someone says STOP!, no matter what the context, you must scream HAMMER TIME!!! as loud as you can. If you do not shatter the eardrums of three people in the vicinity, you have failed. And by shatter, I don't mean have them complain about your volume. You must hear the sound of breaking glass, followed by blood pouring forth from their ears.
After you have completed 333,982,377 successful HAMMER TIME!!!s, you are ready to move onto the next step. Incidentally, this next step can be found right here. You must now dance to a full run of "Jump On It" twice as many times as you said HAMMER TIME!!! Once that is done, buy a copy of Pokemon Red from that creepy kid down your block and fight Chuck Norris in game at least 4 times. You must win for this to work.
Next, Chuck Norris will show up in the flesh, with his best pal Jesus. After you three throw back 14 jello shots, MC Hammer will appear and grant you two solid gold hammers.
Congratulations, you just completed the HAMMER TIME!!!