High-Spinning Wavey Machete Arms Hair Improvement Cream

It's a well known fact that all anti-balding cream ever don't work, even if they say they do, and appear to be working when you use them. This is all just an elaborate lie set out by bastards to steal our hard earned cash. Say what they will, when your hair's number is up no amount of cream or heartfelt letters to Barney are going to save it. Until now! We here at Generic Industries proudly present to you the latest advance in anti-baldening technologies ~ the High-Spinning Wavey Machete Arms Hair Improvement Cream!! Coming at you in bold type, this product promises not to make bogus claims to restore your hairline, which it scientifically cannot deliver. Instead, it distracts people from your hairline, by replacing any hair you have left with high velocity girating machetes. On arms! These deadly contraptions will not only distract onlookers from your retreating hairline, it'll leave them in awe! And disembowled. High-Spinning Wavey Machete Arms Hair Improvement Cream, for the depraved balding psychopath on the go. Now in feminine pink, for our female customers.