Housefly
too bizarre for Uncyclopedia, but Illogicopedia loves random stuff. |
File:Uncyclopedia.png → File:Wiki.png |
Flies are the mortal enemies of horses, and both species have laid waste to thousands of worlds in their quest for the annihilation of their respective arch-nemeses.
Early Life
The early life of the fly was unsettled, as its parents kept moving across the country without telling it where they were going. During this time, the fly made few friends, which was made worse by its parents' constant arguing that eventually lead to their divorce. This made the fly a very depressed and malicious creature, which drank often and abused women.
Antipathy Towards Horses
Flies love pissing off horses, normally by pooing in their eyeballs. Horses take their frustration out on humans, normally by eating their children. Humans respond to this by destroying the environment. The circle of life is a miraculous thing, indeed.
On occasion, horses have been known to dress as flies and infiltrate their ranks to spy on them and sabotage their plans. This was the basic plot-line of Dr. No, where Sean Connery and Ursula Andress received Oscars for their portrayal of a pantomime horse sneaking into the top secret Caribbean hide-out of a really evil fly.
Identity Crises
The generally disrespectful attitude of the fly community towards horses has led the the ostracism of the horsefly from fly society. Horeflies instead form secretive communities inside hollow trees, in which they painstakingly coreograph and perform surrealist operas which usually feature, as a primary element, the invention of philosophy, the War of 1812, or the use of floss on a regular basis. Legend tells us that, after witnessing one of these operas, Saint Augustine decided that it would be a really good idea to have a nervous breakdown and then write a book about it.
However, young horseflies often suffer difficulties in forming personal identities, and all too many leave home early only to wind up owning large convenience store chains. A great deal has been discussed about the identity crisis suffered by young horseflies, but most analysts have now acknowledged that it really doesn't matter.
In Conclusion
Flies are more scared of you than you are of them, but they wouldn't be if they knew about that thing you don't want anyone to find out about. You know what I mean.