I went to the shop.
I went to the shop. Ohhh, that phrase again. I went to the shop.
You realise how annoying that phrase is? Everyone's always walking around talking about this new thing, I went to the shop. Saying it automatically makes you awesome. But even though I've said it, I don't want to be awesome! I want to be a bagel! I've always wanted to be a bagel ever since I was a kid, so no to awesomeness for me!
O RLY?
YA RLY.
R U SHUR?
SHUR AHM SHUR. I SHURR AM SHURR DAT AI WENT DOO DA SHOPP. AND WATT IN DE WORLD HAPPENZED DOO MAI VOICAY??? IT BECAMMES ALL STUPIDO AND THE STUFF.
NUH-OHHH!!!! AI SOUNDDD LIKEEE MOOOTHEEEEER!!!!!
I went to the shop.
See? Now you're saying it, you Noodle Doodle Man!
Hey, at least I got my voice back. So NOW I don't quite sound like Mother.
Durr Hurr I found ur hole
OH SHI-Hello, my name is John.
Stop changing the subject, John. DID YOU GO TO THE SHOP OR NOT????? ANSWER ME????
Why aren't you talking to me, eh? Scared of telling people that you bought some potatoes????
Weheheheheehehe.
John, tell me, John. Did you go to the shop? Why does your hair smell like delicious ruffle potato chips? What's with the salt all over your fingers? Why are you trying to get into the bathroom? John, don't tell me you've...
*GASP* No!! John, don't tell me you've been hanging out with those terrible potato chips lately! John, they're always such a problem! They go out to clubs, they drink fruit and potato punch, they spread nasty lies, they sell illegal radium-flavored chips on the black market, they skewer British terminology on a harpoon like so much fish... speaking of which, John, did you bring any of those pretty fish-flavored potato chips home? I suppose I could let this slide, John, if you did that, John...
In this Chapter, John escapes to his room and there is an exciting plot twist
Yes. I had finally beaten my mother in a lethal game of lethal Chess. But my victory was short lived, because she was a vampire and thus immortal. In desperation, I closed and padlocked my door to give myself more time to eat my chips. But then, I realized.
I was the chips.
What the hell? That's not exciting
Oh, yes, it is. Think of the new viewpoint. Existing only to be eaten, a shelf life of a few days if that inside a warm bag, doomed to death if not a fate worse than even that! Think of how the potato chips feel!!