IllogiNews:Echidna molestation deemed dangerous, ill-advised
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KNOWHOWTOFILLABONG, Australia -- Researchers from the Greater Australia Leaky University have proven that it can be dangerous and, indeed, ill-advised for a male human to attempt sex with an echidna. "It's not one particular characteristic, you see", said Dr. Simoleon McFenestrate, biology practitioner and seasonal lycanthrope. "It's an assemblage of claws and the prickly bits that combine to make this a fearsome potential sexual conquest."
Attorney William Kunstler of the Ohio 16 trial fame opined for the benefit of IllogiNews, saying "a normal human yearning for companionship is certainly normal. Sometimes the object of these yearnings is of a different species. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they usually get around to shagging. Legally, an echidna has only claw and fang, so to speak, to defend its honor."
Having passed in 1995, Mr. Kunstler reiterated his concern that nobody would pay attention to his opinions any more. "We'll probably change the curtains, maybe a fresh coat of paint..." he muttered, wandering off in the direction of the smelly, smelly smell.
Mrs. Gremlin, a nearby ovipositor and monotreme expert, slipped me a note that read,
- Dear Mr. Pissoir,
- It is with some regret that I inform you that the male echidna in fact has a four headed penis. The comparative great size of the mono-headed implement in question, along with the fact that it is lacking in three of the essential components of a proper echidna dick, would certainly not arouse the interest of the egg-laying beast in question. I'd advise you to leave off!
- Sincerely,
- Edith Gremlin Esq, DPh, Meat, MD, Rear Admiral (ret.), Homeopath