IllogiNews:Horoscopes for April, 2011
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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
Here are your horoscopes for this fine month.
- Aries - Ben Gleck will suck your thumb every day of the year with his great box.
- Taurus - No new taxes, at least that's what you thought. Roll again.
- Gemini - Dramatica dies, and so do you.
- Cancer - In Soviet Russia, elephant eat you!
- Leo - Don't listen to the totalitarian theocrat with the moustache.
- Virgo - Who invented this sign, anyway? Chuck Norris?
- Libra - Uncle Pete goes further down the toilet. Nobody cares.
- Scorpio - Scorpion? Where?
- Sagittarius - Salmon patties eat you.
- Capricorn - Fishing is a natural part of a balanced life. Please don't take that literally.
- Aquarius - Chamone! You a smooth criminal! Hee hee!
- Pisces - Everything you know is wrong.
- Ophiuchus- I still don't think this is real. So, I'm not gonna write one for this.