IllogiNews:NASA discovers the stars actually are fixed to a giant sphere after all

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Dateline - Space. In a startling announcement that turned astronomy on it's head yesterday, NASA reported that one of it's probes actually bumped into the giant sphere which all the stars in the Universe except the sun are fixed to. The existence of this sphere was known by ancient astronomers, of course, but was rejected in the WhoCaresth century in favor of a conception of space as big. Really big. But apparently, it's a small world after all.

People who for hundreds of years have dreamed of mankind one day voyaging to the stars can just shut the hell up at this point because there is really nowhere to go to. Which is kind of sad, actually. Anyone who has been dreaming for hundreds of years should probably wake up now.

"I feel so betrayed," said a random Star Trek fan, "I was sure we were going to meet the real Vulcans one day, but I guess it turns out nobody is really able to do that weird hand salute thing."