IllogiNews:Spelling causes death?

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

19 Yoon, 2008

Some guy, an expert in wordophysics has proven that speeling tings badlee causers deaf. Yes, it does. You see, when you spell bad, yuo generate a tiny tingling spasm in your brain that makes you think of un-pie. And Wii's. If this continues, over the years, you may just drop deed. Oops...a spelling mistake....AAAAARGHHHH!!!

Hello, my name is A Different Reporter Guy and i am here to report on what that guy was reporting. Well, was reporting. Spasma are generated by your mind, when you make a mistake due to your horrible brain being twisted and misspelling things. Too many spasms = Death, not deaf, but death.

Unless, you're already dead or Bckbye, but if you aren't go ahead and try ti. I mean it. Yes, ti. No, it. Yes, ti. No, it.......ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!

“Oh, then that explains all those Slayer fans.”

- Musically knowledgable pedestrian we found rummaging through a bin behind a charity shop

“U mena wen youer speeling tings baadli, yuu die? ARAARGHGRHAGHAGRHAGH!!!!!”

- Some hobo guy who just died

We don't take the blame.