IllogiNews:Trashcan company predicts the weather
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages. |
| (audio) | Trashcan company predicts the weather (file info) |
| The Article in Audio format, for the blind and/or retarded |
December 21
ALAMABAMA CITY, Florida - In a shocking turn of events the infamous "TRASH 'R' WE" trashcan making company, commonly known for its horrible and controversial slaughter of plastic straws to use in their plastic-based trashcans, recently predicted the weather. Being a totally cool and biased reliable news source, our reporters were fourth on the scene.
However, by that time, Jimmy C. Nedermier, the president of "TRASH 'R' WE", had given all of the juicy, important information away to the other news companies, so he in turn told us about what his favorite cereal is. "This morning I had Honey Bunches of Oats, which was pretty good.... though admittedly I do quite enjoy Raisin Bran," he said. He later went on the reveal how he thought bacon and eggs went well with Fruit Loops but not Lucky Charms.
unReliable sources also reveal that the company itself not only predicted the weather but that it predicted the outcome of a duel between Batchap and Batspiderhulk, two rivaling Batman spin-offs. As it turns out, they predicted Batchap would be the ultimate victor, and just look who's been on the front page.
Later after successfully predicting the weather and outcome of a duel, the company went bankrupt after releasing it's unsuccessful line of "Waste your paste" trash recepticals, which were designed to hold paste and other glue-like products only, therefore releasing the other products (i.e. other trash besides glue-like products) resulted in termination/destruction of the trashcan by explosion, often destroying the household it was in. One lawsuit against the company was made because a woman put her dog in the trashcan so she too exploded with the dog and the rest of her house. Reasons behind how she filed this lawsuit after being exploded are still unknown.