J. Wellington Wimpy
“I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”
J. Wellington Wimpy (1918-1977) was a pudgy con artist who sucked money from strange passer-bys such as a gullible sailor who called himself Popeye, who was believed to be later portrayed by Sire Robin Williams IX. Wimpy was notorious for using his free handouts to purchase large slabs of cow meat on buns, often garnished with ketchup, mustard, pickles, onion slices, and seasonings. He promised the man he suckered into his grand scheme full reparations the following Tuesday, to no avail for the suckers. Wimpy died on August 17, 1977, a day after singing legend Elvis Presley, due to heart problems attributed to cow grease. His sons Harold and Robert Q. Wimpy are currently paying off his loans plus the standard interest rates, which amounts to $4,236,164,643,008.73 (figure adjusted for inflation).