Jonny The Sleep Depraved Eskimo
Jonny was an eskimo.
- He wore big coats, had squinty eyes, and hunted fish with nothing but his bare hands ....wrapped around a Magnum Obliterator Electrified Harpoon Gun (2.0 No Mercy Edition).
- Jonny liver'd at the South Pole, a dubious polar strip club where he worked day and night scrubbing tuna stained thongs just to scrape a living in the baron wasteland.
DO NOT BEND
Bea'ing an eskimo posed many a'problem for Jonny, least of all finding a stripper with strong enough knees to give him a lap dance.
- {Most of the time it just ended up being a face dance, which Jonny didn't mind one bit.
That's probably not the best example to cite as a 'problem' for him. Not being tall enough to get on to the cool roller coaster rides, or being followed by a creepy so-called "narrator" who has a penchant for small $%eskimo%$ type people would probably serve as better ports of call for that kind of thing.
“But, I was [wanking] when I worte it, so what do you expect? I guess I'll just have to slide it in next time I write about troubled eskimos. Which is undoubtedly going to be soon.”
DO NOT BEND
- The biggest problem Jonny faced was the environment. Specifically, his carbon footprint.
- A
All the hot girls in his tribe knew what a big carbon feet meant, and they weren't about to be duped into letting some guy with a tiny landfill column anywhere near inside of them.
DO NOT BEND
Jonny was screwed in this sense, his impact on the environment was negligable.
- @~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~**(()_++++++++
- Try as he might, he just couldn't compete with the oil barons living on all sides around him. He couldn't afford to buy a car, his rubbish neatly recycled itself into appropriate colour coded categories, and he had an inadvertent habit of signing ground-breaking climate change deals whenever he let his guard down.
do not bend
- Last week he'd nodded off in front of Countdown to find upon waking up that he'd persuaded China to cut their coal consumption by 68%. Suffice to say, the poor eskimo hadn't been near a woman in years. Had they not kept popping up semi-naked in the strip club Jonny could swear they didn't exist anymore.
whores will lick up your blood after you die, you whore. Alas, a paradox!
- But right now the biggest problem for Jonny, other than the crushing lonliness and the volatile overfull testicles that could explode at any minute, vaporising him, was getting to sleep.
- He hadn't quite figured out if it was a good idea yet.
//It would refresh his mind, restore his body, and help him get through the nightly rape he was subjected to at the hands of moustached polar bears.
- But then again... if he d
id he'd b-actually, not then again. Those three reasons were more than enough to convince his alread-y convinced mind.
- But then again... if he d
The MORAL of the story, kids, mmmmmm, kids, is that sleep cures sleep depravity.
- But only if you have enough of it,
- ....and only if you leave your door unlocked.