Knife

Oh look, a knife.

Quite the majestic thing, isn't it? Just look... it shines, like an old ballon. It's sharp, like my new hair cut. And best of all, it's lethal, just like one of my farts.

The knife is the ultimate thing, better than much other things. It can be used to cut, slash, and most importantly shank.

Good uses of a knife

Let's see here, what are some good uses of a knife? Oh, yes! You can use it to slit your own throat. Let me show you. So what you do is grip the knife like this, and then slash it quickly across the neck like thi--