Mount Rushmore (Intestinal Version)

Many Americans consider Mount Rushmore the ideal Patriotic tourist destination. The faces of four American heroes are carved timelessly in stone and they stare out across a serene landscape, surrounded by vending machines.

Yet there is a little-known chapter in the history of this stirring monument. What few people know is that the original version of Mount Rushmore depicted not the presidents' faces, but their intestines.

That's right! Intestines!

Carving of the 60-foot intestinal sculptures began in 1927 and ended in 1941. "It was difficult work," recalls one carver, "We had an especially hard time with the details on Jefferson's appendix, which was abnormally large. Teddy Roosevelt's lower intestine nearly collapsed on us--but after using some well-placed support beams and some cleverly placed TNT charges, it became able to support itself."

The completed monument depicted the intestines of four of America's heroes: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln. Families would come from across the nation to gaze at the world's most inspiring bowels. "I can only imagine what Lincoln's intestinal gurgling must have sounded like!!!" exclaimed one old woman who was moved to tears.

The intestines of these four great presidents were sources of inspiration until the early sixties when, for some strange reason, the statues were altered to represent the president's heads rather than their guts.

"I liked it better the old way!" complained one child, "Washington's intestines looked so powerful and majestic on the side of that mountain!"

Rumor has it that another mountainside monument will soon be constructed. The monument is rumored to be a moving tribute to George Washington's liver and kidney fluids, though this is still unconfirmed.