Muffins: Fact or Fiction?
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you are all seated comfortably in soft computer chairs (rather than computer chairs covered in razorwire and something else sharp).
I have come to you tonight to discuss a very serious matter with you all. It has come to my attention that the muffin, previously believed to be a delicious, soft, fluffy, delightful snack, might not exist at all.
Perhaps they are a government conspiracy. Perhaps they are suicidal aliens who want to be eaten (and killed) -- so they disguised themselves as food. But you should be aware that the muffins in your kitchen may not be real items of food.
Illusions. Whisps of myth. Shadow.
Scientists are searching for the elusive muffin now in forests and other places we didn't build so are angry at them.
I hope someone gets a picture of one and dissects it. Camera lens.
Thank you for attending tonight's seminar on the existence of Muffins. Tomorrow, I will swallow a laptop computer while being flogged, burned and otherwise abused for your entertainment. Enter what?