Paper- the fat free chocolate
Have you ever felt like eating chocolate, but you look in the mirror and realize that you're not twenty anymore? Do you think you need to lose a couple hundred dozen pounds but still feel like munching down on some sweet, rich, savory goodness?
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- Well fear no longer!
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Here at "Chunky & Fun Industries" we have come up with a brand new product that will fill the void that chocolate once filled. That's right, you can still the get same, rich, creamy, melt-in-your-mouth taste of chocolate, but now it's it completely artificial! And, better yet, it has no fat. That's right, no fat! Not one ounce!
Introducing
Paper — The fat free chocolate!
So, are you tired of being fat? That's alright! Our new paper product can be eaten and enjoyed just as chocolate can, but without the hassle of gaining twenty pounds a piece! Instead, you only gain eight!
They practically taste the same. Just get past the paper cuts that our tests subjects were prone to getting and they are almost similar!
That's right, our exclusive studies performed by super unprofessional scientists guys shows that paper and chocolate are eerily similar. The scientists themselves even say: "We just said the two were similar so that they thought we were and important and spike our salary. It worked. They tripled all of ours."
Our new paper product also features things you never would have dreamed to have had in chocolate. That's right, our new product comes with seven new features and abilities that are even better than chocolate! Something things it can do, besides tasting great, include:
- Cause unsafe spikes in blood pressure
- Cut your throat
- Create tumors in the brain and heart
- Kill you
- Be turned into a paper airplane
With special features like these, it'll be impossible not to spend $29.99* on!
- Per daily supply. Two pieces per day for forty days.
Customer Testimonials
Not satisfied? How about you listen to some of customer (and definitely not paid actor) testimonials?
Jack T. Rex
| I used to be fat. Really fat. I was so addicted to ripping the flesh off of stegosauri-- I mean chocolate that I soon had to go to chocolate rehab. And there it was tough to go without chocolate. But then I soon discovered this exclusive new Paper product. It tasted exactly like chocolate! Now, I'm practically skin and bones! Actually, just bones now because I've been extinct for millions of years! | ||
—Rex | ||
Dan Marino
| I lost twenty pounds on Nutrisyst-- I mean the new Paper product. It tasted exactly like chocolate— a real man's food. I mean, I could have had burgers, hot dogs, and steak, but instead I chose this paper. I mean, it almost sorta of tastes like chocolate. That is way better than whatever fake food that lame Nutrisystem has. Plus, these stupid paper people payed me two times as much in endorsements. | ||
—Dan | ||
Timmy
| Hi I'm Timmy and I like to eats lots of foods like cookies because they are yummy! I also like to eat other foods but not broccoli because it is green and yucky and gross and all vegetables are not yummy and i also like pasta but then I started to eat yummy candy--which is yummy-- and then i started to get fat so my mommy made me start to eat the yuck-- i mean yummy paper so that i wouldn't get fat then I didn't and my mommy was happy and now I learned how to go potty training! | ||
—Timmy | ||
Try our product
You'll love it. I can guarantee that. I used to be fat. But now that I made this paper, I gained lost weight, lost fat, and got awesome.