Quetzalcoatl

Quetzalcoatl, along with brother Pretzelcoatl, was a primary deity in the ancient Latin American civilisation. In frustration at his brother's staggering success in attracting worshipers of bakery products, Quetzalcoatl turned away from iced-bun promotion to concentrate on ritual sacrifice.

Favourite rites included virgins being bludgeoned to death with baguettes, asphyxiation of peasants with large farmhouse loafs, baking babies into banana bread, and hurling custard pies at people with no sense of humour until battered to death. The latter method was thought to have inspired Chico Marx, the inspiration to his brother Zeppo, inventor of comedy. He later became known as Frank Zeppo, infamous for his air guitar playing with a knife in a hot oven, thus producing a wide variety of 3 weird sounds.

Quetzalcoatl is living proof of the events of the Book of Mormon In the book of Mormon, Jesus comes and establishes the gospel among ancient peoples of America. The legend of Quetzalcoatl says that a godly bearded white man came, and said he'd come again. His every description fits that of the Messiah.

This article was too bizarre for Uncyclopedia,   but Illogicopedia loves random stuff.

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