Self-Harmonicas
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Created by a man named Dave (hi Dave!) in the late 1880's, self-harmonicas are a variety of wind instrument that play just as well as regular harmonicas, but hate themselves for it and have low self esteem. Most try to slice themselves with their metal teeth, but without their lack of independant thought and movable parts all inevitably fail, which doesn't really help their already fragile state of mind. The self-harmonica has recently risen back into prominence, despite being used by virtually no one for the most part of their 126 year history. This is thought to be because all existing self-harmonicas at the time were locked away in someone's basement (hi missus Dave!) so they wouldn't be a "burden" on other instruments. The odd regular harmonica would come to check on them from time to time and give them food, but rarely managed to get a supporting word in amidst the loud shrieks of self-loathing. They were left well alone.
Later as emo music came to prominence, and more and more otherwise healthy human beings began shielding themselves away from the world in their basements, and listening to My Chemical Romance Self-Harmonicas soon came into contact with likeminded individuals, and were, after much crying, eventually discovered.
“I was down in my basement, crying, when I saw this instrument just sitting there on the shelf, rocking out a little bluesey number as it tried to use it's metal teeth to cut itself. It totally blew my mind, I stopped crying, and after readjusting my make up to make it look like I was still crying, took it down from the shelf and hugged it. We bonded man, for the frirst time ever I felt truly happy. Then I used it's metal teeth to slash my wrists..”
Since that fateful day self-harmonicas have continued to revolutionise the emo music industry, as well as furthering the candle industry by 3000% percent. It seems that- hmm, ... I see... well people, it appears that this article must now end so that I can go identify that emo we quoted's body.
Yeah that's him alright. ..... Woah, he was hung, that's longer than my arm ..why the hell was he depressed?!