Some quotes and lessons

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“You can't arrest us, we are Pakistani citizens.”

- Indian mob

“The guy in Sofia train station can't be trusted.”

- Bloke in pub

“We are members of the Burundi army...”

- Member of Libyan army

“Never ask a linguist if they are cunning.”

- Missed a T

“I will bring your sheets right up, oh wait I just remembered that I have broken both of my legs.”

- Viz

“Tanzanian roadside kebabs aid weight loss.”

- Tanzanian Ministry of Health

“My friends call me Captain Smiley.”

- Emo T. Conn

“Never throw away the timetable part of your railpass.”

- Mahatma Ghandi

“Are you looking for Jesus Christ? - I didn't know he was hiding.”

- Roman Soldier

“German condoms are smaller than U.K condoms.”

- Jonny

“Hagger, Hagger, pretend to be English and they'll let us in.”

- Wiki vandal

“Girls like guys who are foreign, funny and leaving in the morning.”

- Drunken wisdom

“Hakuna matata! Just keep floating.”

- The Lion Queen

“Ali Hippy's traditional Swahili music involves an electronic keyboard...”

- Radio 2 presenter

“I am going home and having THE sex.”

- Avid Merrion

“Kinder eggs can be clove hitched.”

- Label of Kinder Egg

“Oh you're from England, can you give a message to the Chelsea manager for me?”

- Roman Abramovich

“Buying a bus ticket in October in rural Italy between the hours of noon and 3p.m is difficult.”

- Long haired fellow

“You're wearing odd socks.”

- Smarty Pants

“Obviously....”

- Colourblind man

“Present perfect continuous is has/have + been + present participle”

- English teacher

“How much does a polar bear weigh?”

- Rhetorical question

“I don't know.”

“Neither do I but it breaks the ice.”

- Idiot comedian

“The Euro gets stronger by the second.”

- News presenter

“She's so last week.”

- OK! Magazine

“Who is this week?”

“Err......you?”

- The Beano

Tauben is a pigeon, not a verb.”

- Mentalist

“Guess who's single!”

- OK Magazine

“You?”

- You

“I am perpetually single...”

- Forever Alone

“I don't like paths.”

- Ford Focus

“Are you going to change your plans for this girl?”

- Your mate

“Did my plans ever seem to be anything more (to you) than vague and impulsive?”

- You

“Good point.”

“Dancing is all in the hips.”

- Choreographer

“Yo tengo US dollars, quiero Paraguayan guayanis!”

- Que?