Television
“Yay, Spongebob!”
~ André Breton on the subtle brain-washing that television inflicts upon mankind.
“I always enjoy couch potatoes with my dinner”
“Video, a close relative of the famous world leader 'Television' was recently charged with the murder of the Radio Star.”
"AAAH! They're onto you! They're going to section you for "insanity" and trap you in a rectangular box. You'll have to present programs, and the worst thing is - you don't get to choose which one. I heard the person who was forced to play Noo-Noo went mad with power and mindlessly slaughtered the once calm kindred spirits of Tubbyland."
TubbyLand Battle Eh? Uhh, More on That!
The Battle of Tubbyland started one mild temperatured sunny afternoon, it was dry out but there was still water on the ground, little cloud coverage save for patches of stratus heading in a north-westerly direction. It was expected to rain that afternoon but the weather station's equipment had been damaged in a storm earlier and was therefore currently unreliable; last night it had predicted a wave of precipitate-men across the north east. Whether it was down to faulty equipment or a recent advertising deal struck with the band who performed 'It's Raining Men', they were wrong. The men had rained down across the south west. Skiing conditions were good, snow was collected nicely and the slopes had just been...
Wait, wut? I asked for action and all you did was yabber on about the weather. Get to the point or I'll get my point into you!
Okay sorry. Geez, I was only trying set the scene... Anyway, deranged from the cramped hoover he was stuck inside[1] and force-fed severely charred tubby-toast, the Noo-Noo finally cracked. In a blind rage he charged around the once utopic Tubbyland cleaning anyone with his extendible nozzle and a high velocity flame thrower. The Tellytubbies, sluggish after the sheer amount of dope that they'd been smoking eventually halted the massacre, having utilised copious amounts of tubby custard and an SAS Attack Copy of the Qu'Ran.
Though, only a few rabbits were injured and a megaphone was dented severely, tell-tale signs of television's imminent collapse were all too visible. The various cartoon characters, save for Ash Ketchum who was turned away, banded together for an emergency meeting. Disguising their meeting on a different channel by distracting the nation with Breaking News about the Queen.[2] While everyone peered into the queen's various stab wounds on BBC1 the band of misfits plotted.
The Meeting in that room, you know, the 'smoke filled one and with the blinds drawn to create an atmosphere' room
The trapped television characters quickly realised they were trapped in limbo forever. They decided the only way to ensure their survival was to create eutopius television programs that would go on all night and remove control from the beer swilling channel bosses. They would transport their friends and key figures into the perfect virtual world before distancing themself from the crumbling society of the real world. The characters began to slowly brainwash the population into setting up more programs and even more surveillance cameras. They did this by putting little Smurfs]] on each show that subtly told the public to do their bidding. To transport the right people in they puppetted people to pioneer HD. This invention slowly sucked people into their world.
The Flaw
Of course they would have succeeded had God not accidentally taped over creation - whoops! That's why we all now live in Albert Square. Listen carefully and you can occasionally hear the trains (despite the irrelevant fact that there is no railway anywhere near there). If you're lucky you get to be angry and potato shaped. That makes you exempt from being killed off.
