The "I Can't Think Of A Halloween Story" Story

Once upon a time, which was a really stupid cliche'd beginning so I think I will totally start over.

I can't think of a freaking halloween story. So I won't tell you about the time there was this witch ... who didn't like to do scary things like grow rutabagas. And all the little kids wouldn't come by and ask, "What the hell are those things?" and she wouldn't reply, "They're rutabagas." and the kids wouldn't be all like, "What the hell are rutabagas?" and she wouldn't be all like, "Don't look it up on Wikipedia, you know how inaccurate it is." and they wouldn't be all like, "Oh, OK!!!"

Then along didn't came this bisexual frog prince who tried to kiss everyone in order to turn into a monkey. The witch didn't stab it with a fork, which didn't kill it, and she didn't then put it in her "witch's brew" which also didn't consist of rutabagas.

She wouldn't then do the same thing to the little children who didn't point at the frog and ask, "What the hell is that?" because they weren't now undead. Or something.

The Visit Of The (Soon To Be Not Dead) Star Trek Fan Who Isn't Going To Die In Any Way

Then, a random Star Trek fan who was frustrated with his lack of love life didn't come in through the door to ask the witch's advice, like in that one song, "Love Potion Number Nine" and "Witch Doctor" there's like a whole genre of these "OMG I am havings troubles with my boyfriends/girlfriends, lets go see the Witch and get helps from the DEVIL!!" songs. So anyway the witch didn't take one look at him and didn't pour some of her witch's brew on his head which didn't turn him into an undead zombie!!

The undead zombie trekkie then wasn't instructed to terrorize the neighborhood, which he then didn't do, which didn't make Freddy Krueger jealous. So Mr. Krueger didn't come and totally PWN this zombie trek man using The Force, which he learned from Vampire Yoda. ("Suck your blood, I will")

Freddy Krueger Is Scary

Yes he is. But not as scary as Chuck Norris. So ol' Chuckie (not Mr. Norris, we are totally changing the subject here, for no apparent reason) doesn't get his friend Jason to vacuum Freddy's mind (we all know that vacuum cleaners are the most efficient way to get rid of ghosts) and then suddenly Dark Claw from Amalgam Comics doesn't show up and mash them all into one giant super scary monster villain character who is then officially more scary than You!!!

This super giant monster scary villain then doesn't go back to the witch's place and eat her brains, which are very yummy and only need about two minutes in the microwave to get that crisp, "You are eating cooked brain" texture.

Suddenly, this turns into a musical

A giant piano doesn't fall out of the sky on the giant monster scary evil villain which makes him dead. Dead, dead dead. Everyone is now happy and little flowers poke out of the corpse!!

To recap...

Witches brew consists of:

• Rutabagas
• Dead frogs
• Dead children
• Other Stuff
• The Secret Ingrediant of the Crabby Patty Secret Formula
• Your Mom

Look, a puppy!

Puppies are cute!!

Anyway ...

Boo!

Did I scare you?

If you were scared, send me $100. Thank you and good night. Pleasant dreams .....................................