The Bucket List

The following is the list of everything I would like to do before I die.

1. To go Yeti hunting in the Himalayas
2. To stand in a bucket
3. To wake up on December 22nd, 2012
4. To eat the world's biggest hamburger
5. To consume a bucket
6. To declare a priest wrong in terms of malpractice
7. To eat giant pork hot dog obnoxiously in front of many Jewish people
8. To go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting drunk
9. To tell anorexics that you're hungry
10. To bookmark a site about bookmark
11. To start a charity in my name with no real purpose
12. To teabag someone in real life
13. To learn how to play the piccolo
14. To start a Sunday School class and teach that God is Morgan Freeman'
15. To actually find an instance where "your mom" is a clever thing to say DONE!
16. Your mom (hey it worked!)
17. To go to McDonald's in a Burger King costume
18. To re-enact the A/C Transit Bus Fight video
19. To remake Bambi with Steven Seagall as Bambi
20. To learn Yiddish
21. To get a nuke in a care package
22. To bring a gun to a knife fight
23. To watch one of those "Adopt-An-African-Child" commercials and not feel guilty for doing nothing
24. To cause an unwanted abortion (preferably with the "Falcon Punch" method")
25. To hold a nine-millimeter sideways declaring it a kill shot
26. To mouth the words of the song on my iPod in public and not be ashamed
27. To place ants in someone's headphones
28. To put super glue on a toilet seat
29. To do a heart transplant but instead of giving someone a new heart, I would insert a bowl of pudding
30. To start to sing the song "Don't Stop Believin'" without everyone around me joining in
31. To paint the White House black as if it were my residence
32. To wear window shades and not being called a douchebag
33. To join Will Smith in "getting jiggy with it"
34. To eat cookie dough ice cream and not frantically search for the cookie parts
35. To shake hands with Ben and Jerry and say, "You promote obesity"
36. To grow and afro puffy enough to fit multiple pencils inside
37. To not know over 1,000 digits of pi
38. To find Waldo (no brainer)
39. To not bring up the Revolutionary War in an England vs. America argument
40. To rant about the Confederate flag in front of everyone in Mobile, Alabama
41. To convince someone I was their daddy
42. To impregnate every substitute teacher I get, regardless of sex, though I like it rough
43. To not stare at the maternity catalog while at JC Penny
44. To join straight-edge and abstinence fraternity
45. To tell someone I was at a rock concert when I was actually just banging rocks together
46. To join Aluminum Bárons²
47. To eat just one Lays potato crisp chip
48. To start smoking just to quit
49. To bet one million dollars that a horse will win the Daytona 500
50. To make a bucket list with over 100 50 things on it