The Foot Fungus

Luigi Sanderson was an aspiring artist who lived in the streets of New York City.

He worked tirelessly for months on his paintings.

"This one represents the agony of the endless search for true love in this violent, ignorant world!" he said, wiping his phlegm across a blue canvas, then gluing several dead cockroaches to the corner.

He'd try to sell his paintings to homeless people.

"Don't bother buying food," he'd say to the homeless people as they lined up outside the soup kitchen, "Buy THIS! Notice how my use of dead insects represents the futility of modern life! Also, notice that I WANT MONEY!!!!"

Alas.

They didn't buy his art. For some reason they seemed to consider eating more important than art.

To symbolize how people no longer cared about art, Luigi removed his stomach, nailed it to a canvas, then glued it to the soup kitchen wall. "IT'S SUCH A BRILLIANT, IRONIC ARTISTIC STATEMENT!!!!" he screamed. "GUSH!!!!"

But nobody appreciated it. He'd try to sell his framed stomach to passing school children, but for some reason they found it distasteful.

He cut off one of his arms and framed that. "Such insight in to the anguish of mankind!" he yelled, watching his own blood ooze down the canvas. Again, nobody bought the painting, despite its insightful symbolism.

"WHAT MUST AN ARTIST DO TO MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD????????????????????????????????????" He screamed.

He then attempted performance art. "Come one, come all," he said, "For an artistic examination of the miracle of enduring through pain, suffering, and injustice!"

His performance art consisted of him standing naked in the middle of an intersection. There, he threw dead pigeons at passing cars and squealed loudly. "I hope you appreciate the cultural enlightenment I'm providing you!!" screamed Luigi as he hurled a particularly obese pigeon at a limousine.

"I'M SUCH A GODDAMN GENIUS!!!!" he screamed.

But again, nobody agreed.

"You're a FAILURE!" screamed a policeman.

"You SUCK!" said an old woman.

"I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said a person.

Luigi died of a severe foot fungus.

The foot fungus was an abstract blob. His last words were, "Notice how the shape of my foot fungus is an abstract representation of the deepest contradictions in human nature!!!!!!!"

His body is in a dumpster somewhere.

Here lies the greatest artist who ever lived is written in ketchup on the side of the dumpster.

If you ever come across the dumpster, be sure to pay tribute to dear Luigi. After all, his foot fungus is an abstract representation of the deepest contradictions in your soul.