The Pirate's Creed

Avast ye matey,
matey-do, matey-dum
I are a pirate, nay?
I are a pirate do,
I are a pirate does,
Into the the great white blue a-sailin',

A-sailin to and fro, a-where-a to go?
But for a simple penny-pence you pay?
So give me one, the deal is done!
Thou shalt work-a fa ya trip-o, th' rest o' th' way,

See, I are a pirate do,
And I are a pirrrrrate does,
Into the the great white blue a-sailin',
We sail a-to and fro, a-where-a to go?
With this simple tiny penny-pence you pay?
To Babylon? 'Lantis? the Smashing Pumpkins concert?
Ah ha, a ho ho. mkay.

Now swab-a th' deck, yar bloody-bloody swine!
And do it-this-so with lustre,
and if thou does well, a priveledge I smell,
Ya scarvy ketchup'd dog with mustard

Let me explain:

See, I are a pirate do,
And I are a pirate does,
Into the the great white blue a-sailin',
I'll sing a song-song, and thou't'll sing it along,
So sing it with me, ya sucker.

O' but a spot over there! a spot I declare!
A spot so billabong-willy-bit-ho!
A spot over there, doesn't thou even care?
A-swab-a-bit faster, ye ho.

Now, I are a pirate do,
And I are a pirate does,
Into the the great white blue a-sailin',
We sing a song-song, n' thou'll sing it along,
Or I keel you.

Aha, me begrubble'd knave! The swabbin' 'tis done!
And good work ya did do it 'twas good,
'deed we do celebrate! 'deed we do has some fun!
So bring out us th' mead n' brandy n' fud.
Now let us munch kettled corn, us kettl'd corn lovers,
And watch romantic comedies abound!
A penny thoust pay? Nay! Jump and be gay!
Lighten up! I see thou art frowned.
A pinch of coke, and a wee tiny toke
Nude dancing! A penis parade!
In chocolate we dip, and we'll sex-a the ship,
With e'ry harpy that wishes to lay.

But thou hast spilled my beer!? Oh what a queer!
Go walk the plank.

—F. E. L. Lish, Poet Laureate of the Democratic Socialist Republic of New Zealand