The Sensitive Child

One day there was a child. He was, in a way, sensitive. Whatever you did to him, he would punch you in the face, whether it be his money or his poop.

Prologue

He never believed in Santa Claus. It all seemed to be a lie. You could say he was the Anticlaus. Ronald was eating cheese in the kitchen (for that was his name), it was midnight, of Christmas and he waited for Santa in order to prove if he existed or not. Midnight struck and the clock ticked (as it always does), and he realized there was no Claus.

Then again, his house had no chimney.

Thus ends the prologogue.

Chapter 1: All you have to do is believe..!

"All you have to do is believe!". As if, i don't believe lotion will make my skin creamier, and it doesn't. Besides, i'm lactose intolerant, why would it???

Oh bah, there's no point in waiting for Santa Claus, after all I AM THE ANTICLAUS!!!! "oh oh oh", he said mimicking santa claus except saying it backwards as if to annoy him.

The lights went off. "MY ELECTRIC BILLS!" was the first thought that came to mind. Then, "Or perhaps Santa", but then again Santa doesn't turn off your lights, that's Assassin Santa, but then again in Transylvania, everyone's an assassin. And Santa Claus doesn't live in Transylvania, he lives in Lapland. He came to the conclusion he was being hunted.

He ran. He heard the sound of bells, tinkling and a man barfing as if he were on booze. "A drunk assassin," he thought, "Oh joy."

There was this cloud behind him, perhaps ready to engulf him. He ran into a wall that shouldn't be there. The lights switched back on with the sound of a hoe.

Well, actually that was a typo. It meant to be a "ho". SANTA???

No, not possible. The lights came back on, flickering, as if in a horror movie, perhapsas in Saw II or something. Then again, this is probably Santa II.

He had ran into a chimney. And his house didn't have a chimney. So perhaps Santa carried one with him, sort of like a portable chimney.

Chapter 2: Wait....Santa?

So now he was thinking Santa did exist. What, with all this irrefutable proof, how could he not??? He tried to believe Santa did not exist. A man with a huge bag burst in the door.

SANTA???

No wait, it's a hobo.

It's a hobo with a santa hat and a bag full of presents.

That's one rich hobo.

Chapter 3: That's not a hobo.

That's not a hobo.

No, look hobos have a drunk attitude and they don't burst into your house.

Only murderers do, but they don't have santa hats. So it's a christmas killjoy, come to make my life miserable. Hoorah. He threw a glass at the "hobo", breaking at his chin, and he bled. The blood stunk of olive oil.

And Ronald was allergic to olive oil.

Ronald threw up, into a bag, preferabbly the killjoy's bag. The killjoy got angry, and went into a furious epileptic fit, drool dribbling down his chin, and parts of his beard tearing off. He chased him, and ran into a portable chimney, which collapsed onto the killjoy, still drooling at the mouth. He appeared to have bite marks on his face, so he obviously must've been bitten by a dog. A dog with rabies!

But dogs don't give you epileptic fits, they give you rabies. So it's clear that....this guy bit himself.

Chapter 4: You can't bite yourself.

You can't bite yourself.

That's what is stated in "The Laws Of Oldton's Physics". It states "a person is not allowed to bite himself as the laws of physics said so. This violates every rule in the book."

And then, "What book?"

And then, "Why am i being attacked by killjoys and drunk assassins with portable chimneys?"

And then, "That glass i threw cost $20."

And then, "Why am i thinking too much? It actually hurts."

And then, "Did i feed my dog?"

And then, "Wait, i don't have a dog."

So why is there a dog at my door?

With a parcel?

Drooling at the mouth?

And why am i asking so many questions?

Is it cause i'm sensitive?

Wait, i'm sensitive?

That's not a parcel, that's a letter.

He took it and read it.

"Dear Tommy, i got you a racing car for Christmas, it's in a man's bag. Be warned, this man has epileptic fits, so don't annoy him. He especially hates glass as this violates every law in the book. I know you're only 6 years old, right???

P.S Don't bleed in my house."

Wait, wait, wait. MY NAME AIN'T TOMMY!!!! I'M 17!!! THIS IS MY OWN HOUSE!!!! WHO WROTE THIS ANYWAY!!! AND WHAT'S PS!!!!

Oh right, playstation. Wait a sec, Playstations don't bleed.

Chapter 5: A horrible day.

And so Tommy had a horrible christmas, trying to find out the meaning of life.

It was 37. He expressed that in the newspaper. The next day, he was shot by a hitchhiker fanatic.

He was shot, because the meaning of 37 is not life, but of Ronald's death.

Thus ends the story. But no-one knows what happened to the Invisible Man.