What to do if you get raped

Warning! This article is so incredibly offensive so if you've been raped, know someone who's been raped, or are just a decent human being, stop reading now.

Still reading, dirtbag? Good!

So, you've just been raped. You're now thinkin', "What do I do?" Most will tell you not to bathe, to go to a hospital and blah blah blah. THAT NEVER WORKS. So us at the Institute of Awesome have created three easy steps even the dumbest hoe can follow. Please note these techniques must be employed immediately after the rape.

STEP ONE: Beg for more

This step is by far the most important.

STEP TWO: Show no pain/"Take it like a man"

This step is important in making the rapist notice that you want more and are not just saying it. Whether you do want more is irrelevant.

STEP THREE: Pay the rapist in Monopoly money

This step is very important because you must let the rapist know that what he did was right and that he should continue doing it. The Monopoly money aspect is to assure the rapist that he could do better.

So now you're prepared for rape. And all of those who are offended, I told you so.