You are a pirate

Hey man! It's me, Connor McDick! Remember me? You know, we sorta sat near each other at that one company workplace? Oh, you don't? Well, I was the one guy who ran around showing everyone my bum and got fired and removed from the building by the police. Sound familiar? Yeah, that usually makes everyone remember.

So... how are things going? Shitty, you say? Er, good, good. The wife? Mine's been doing great, she's a CEO for some big ass company and has big fake tits that I can suck on all day. Oh, you divorced? I'm sorry man. She must have been a real bitch, huh? Anyway, how about the kids? You had kids right? Ah, three of them. What were there names again? I'm thinking Susie, Sally, and Betty? Oh. Butch, Don, and Vinny. I was close, right?

Anyway, let's cut the crap.

Got some test results from you. What, you didn't know? Well, that explains the syringe marks on your arm. I had some of my guys sneak in and extract blood samples while you were sleeping. What? Of course I know where you live.I mean, it was luck.... or something.....

Er, anyway, back to the point. I got those samples and ran them in the lab. I've got some bad news, buddy.