GLURIIC

Esther spent a lot of time on the phone. In fact, she talked to people on the phone even when they were in the same room as her. In fact, she talked to her boyfriend Zach on a cellphone, even when they were having secks. She did this all the time because she hoped that the CIA would wiretap her phone conversations.

Why would anyone want their phone conversations wiretapped? You might ask?

Esther was deeply, madly in love with a man who was in the CIA. She didn't know his name, but she had seen a photograph of him in a newspaper from the 1980's. His face was partially obscured in the photo, but his kneecaps were fully visible, and they were such GOOD LOOKING KNEECAPS.

So she had constant phone conversations. She hoped and hoped that the unknown CIA man was listening in on them. She tried to act as animated and interesting as possible when she talked on the phone. She told lots of jokes. She pretending to be more interesting than she really was. All because she wanted this CIA man to spy on her.

She hated her current boyfriend Zach. She only dated him because he was a terrorist. She wanted the CIA to capture him, then capture her as well.

"Maybe they'll take me to Guantanamo!" she said eagerly to her stuffed cat, Ginger, "If I was seized as a terrorist, I'd SURELY be able to meet my CIA man!!!!"

She soon started making phone calls to Bin Laden, as a final desperate attempt to capture the attention of the man of her dreams.

Her friends all laughed at her. And said that she was chasing an idolized...idealized...idolized...idealized....ideozoleooelaloealized....version of love. But she laughed right back at them and said "You'll all see! Some day he'll come to my door, sweep me off my feet, and carry me away on the back of a dragon to his magical realm! And he'll be very sensitive and he'll care about everything I have to say! HE'LL CARE!!!!"

She kept making phone calls. I'm not sure what happened next.