Germanese
Is an easy to learn language spoken flatulated by THE GNOMES PLOTTING YOUR DEATH!! Moving unto the instructions to acquire this acquirable skill; to learn Germanese tilt your head until your neck makes a healthy breaking sound and breathe. For a southern Germanese accent try growing a ghetto booty and then stabbing it before breathing out your ear. Bystanders should stand away from the ear.
Germanese usage worldwide
Of the world's nine million speakers of the language, it is though four million are dead or have died at some point in the past. That leaves thirty two living and (at least partially) sane native speakers. They hail from such provinces as Deutschland, Papua New Guinea and north Leeds.
How to communicate if you meet a Germanese speaker
Flail your arms wildly. Failing that (or should that be 'flailing' that) speak to them in English. Everyone speaks it now, you know. Except that guy from S4C.