Have you seen this person?
Have you seen this person? Hell no, fo'shizzle.
I'm out to kill them, but you don't know that!!
OHHH you don't know that! I have never told you my plans about conquering this person's mind, by slowly torturing him until he gives me thee true ingredients of a Krispy Kreme burger, MUHUHUUHUHUHUHUHUH! MEHEHEHEHEHE!
ME HE HE HE HE HE!
MO HO HO HO HO HO!
No wait, I am not Santa, I am SUPERMAN!
Not some chap guy.
But anyway, enough about me, you talk about me. No, I talk about the plans for exterminating this man, he has a beard.
As you can see from the picture, this beard is dangerous, evil and dangerously evil....It kills. It will wrap around your body, neck and mind and try to kill you. That's why you must wear protective clothing.
"Uh....a teletubby suit?"
That's as close as it gets, we'll surprise him, say we've come to give his kids presents, and then we slaughter him, with our hands....no wait, we're in suits, we can't kill him, it's too tight in there....we'll laughter him with that weird bouncy thing on top of our suit by attaching a knife to it...no wait, he'll see it....I'VE GOT IT!!!
WE WILL EAT HIM!!
"Uh....my mouth is not big enough...?"
NO WORRIES, we can eat him anyways! Just chop him into little pieces, and then kill him. We'll hold butcher knives and say we're becoming butchers and getting rid of our old jobs, but he was the 1000th person we've met, so we'll give his children presents....no wait! He has no children!!! BLARGHENSCHMARGEN!!! A HA! I'VE GOT IT!!! We will say we'll give him a present. Then he will be so overjoyed, he won't even know he's dead!
"Won't holding knives be suspicious?"
Of course not!
We just have to hide it...i know! We can say we're going to a picnic! That way, we can also bring more jabbing weapons, like forks and spoons and...
"A spoon is not a jabbing weapon"
SHUT UP! You can spoon his guts out, can you not? And a butcher knife....for cutting meat, and a plate to smash his head in!
"Won't bringing a butcher knife to a picnic be suspicious?"
No, it won't. If you say it is, then you conceal it under your suit. Ya, you can be...THE MAN!
THE MAN WHO CONCEALS KNIVES UNDER SUITS!! I SEE IT NOW!!! YOU'LL BE FAMOUS!!!
"I don't think i will be.."
SHUT UP! OF COURSE YOU WILL! If you don't, i'll kill you...i mean...uh...gill you, you know fish, teach you about gills. Stuff like that.
"I already know what a gill is"
DAMN IT! I'll just have to teach you what a kill...no wait i mean gill is. NO WAIT! I'VE GOT IT!!! I'll teach you what a wii is. Ya, that's it, A Wii. Now with our plan, you knife concealer, you drop the knife out of your suit and say WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Then i pick it up, pretend to trip and throw the knife into him killing him, then i say
OOPSY DAISY and trip and all the forks, other knives and spoons will fall out of the picnic basket i'm carrying and he will be killed...definitely killed this time.
"Won't that look over-suspicious"
IF IT DOES, WE'LL SAY "OH I'M EVER SO CLUMSY" and kill all of them. That way the park will be full of dead people and corpses...I CAN SEE IT NOW!! DEATH PARK!! FOR DEAF PEOPLE!!!
"Deaf and death mean different things"
I KNOW, STUPID! NOW FOR THE ESCAPE BIT! WE DROP OUR TELETUBBYSUITS AND SAY "IT WAS HOT IN THERE". That way, we can run faster and we're not as clumsy....but we still have to act clumsy, like trip every now and then. Then our car will be parked at the side, we get in and drive away very quickly. There, that's the plan for you.
SO WHAT DO WE DO AGAIN?
- Prepare kitchen utensils, i like knives. NOT PIE!
- Wear the suit...you know teletubby suit.
- Blah, drive to the park, get petrol.
- Walk to him, hi we're going to picnic here, if you don't mind.
- TRIP! YAY, TRIPPING IS FUN...ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KILL SOMEONE!
- Drop picnic basket on him
- Drop suit, pretend to be clumsy.
- RUN TO CAR AND DRIVE AWAY
- There. You got it.
NOW DON'T MISS THE SEQUEL WHICH COMES OUT SOON WHEN IT EVER COMES OUT, WHICH IS LIKE COMING OUT, DOOD. SO DONT MISS IT. I MEAN, THE STUFF WHEN IT HAPPENS. THIS IS NOT A MOVIE.
THIS IS (not sparta for all you 300 addicts) REAL LIFE!!!
NO WAIT...I THINK IT IS...BUT YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE...FOR ALL YOU KNOW THIS COULD BE FAKE LIFE!
BUT THEN I AM REAL.
SO SHUT UP, SIT DOWN.
AND ENJOY THE SHOW. I LIKE PIE!