Heavy snow

Heavy snow is snow that got so fat that when it sat on the roof it caused the roof to collapse and crush all those underneath to wish they would have spent more time outside because then they wouldn't currently be trapped under the heavy snow and collapsed roof. Heavy snow weighs about twenty to thirty pounds per square foot. That is the equivalent of twenty to thirty pounds of fried chicken, minus the cholesterol, per square foot. Heavy snow has almost no cholesterol, but that does not keep it from being overweight. Cholesterol rates throughout the western world are down, but obesity rates continue to skyrocket. Heavy snow does not eat fried chicken.

Then what does it eat?

It eats water. Most things drink water, but heavy snow quit drinking after receiving a DUI in 1995, except on special occasions like Christmas, New Year's Eve, Thanksgiving, Canadian Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, birthdays, Arbor Day, President's Day, and every Tuesday.

Other delicacies heavy snow enjoys devouring include roofs, cars, trees, the entire ground, roads, Canada, and bare skin. If someone has "frostbite", it means they were attacked by a pack of hungry heavy snow and had some of their bare skin eaten by the feasting frozen vultures.

What can I do about the problem?

Heavy snow has a weight problem. Unfortunately, liposuction is not feasible on heavy snow. Heavy snow claims it is "water weight" and not fat. This is a lie.

The only known way to make heavy snow ditch some of it's weight is by spraying chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) compounds into the air. Sadly, environmentalists such as Al Gore have banned CFC compounds in aerosol sprays. They are enablers and really should quit enabling heavy snows addiction to all the fattening stuff it eats, namely skin.