Fat
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Fat is a funny little thing found in America that feeds on McDonald's and Placenta Cuisine. If you treat him nicely, give him a massage, buy him a hallucinogenic or two, he'll be happy to let you throw him in people's faces. This, especially if used on small children, is brilliantly emotionally disturbing, and you can then live your life content, knowing the damage you have done. Fat is very squishy, and really hates it when people poke him.
Some say that Fat is fat, but Fat sued them for slander.
Fat has many brothers, including Epilepsy, Ugliness and Rob.
Fat has an evil ex-business-parter-turned-evil, Lard. Lard is a cock, and should be shat on when possible.