Ho ho ho ho ho ho

Merry forking Christmas.

Jeez, what a load of old tosh this holiday malarkey is, eh? My God, I think I've eaten so much Christmas pudding my innards are going to explode! Ho ho ho ho! Ooh, and I don't think that sherry trifle did me flatulence much good. Old 'Arry's been running to the toilet non-stop for that last ten minutes... must be those undercooked sprouts again! Hahaho. (Burps)

Hoooo ho ho ho! (Coughs)

Now fork off, I want to watch Only Fools and Horses.

[Turns off TV]

“Is it me or are The Queen's Christmas messages getting worse every year?”

- Reader

See also

• The Real Santa