IllogiNews:China announces bailout of United States

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

YING YANG YONG, China

Chinese dictator Willy Wonka announced a full bailout of the United States and the removal of big spender Barack Obama from the Gray House. The package consists of 3344 bananas, 23 beef kabobs, 34 small pizzas, a McDonald's angus burger, and a wristwatch. US citizens oppose this, as commies would own them. Anyway, this story's boring me to death and I'm going to watch "Watching Paint Dry".