IllogiNews:Egypt's Tummy is Upset
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CAIRO, Egypt Correspondent Glenn Beck live from Cairo watching Anderson Cooper getting whacked in the head. Protests have been going on for something, probably to bring death to the world that us secular Americans with our material goodie goods hold dear to our little greased clogged hearts. Some say this is a regular form of indigestion that is expected within any dictatorship (i.e. Iran 2009 protests) and will resolve with some Pepto-Bismol (military force, idiots!). Some say this will also lead to the awakening of the Great Bowser who lives under the pyramid of Crap down in that one place by King Tut's little leftover residue.
Now, some in the lamestream media report that these protests are a result of some evil runt named Wirry Wonkaa stealing oil and giving it to Iraq, but we can't be too sure. Surely, a fnurdle will help this all go away (along with some LSD). So, why has this indigestion led to more hot wing production? This is simple: Egyptians don't eat wings. They sell them to America so we can go to Hooter's to eat wings, get drunk, and crap like that. This heartburn and irregularity in Egypt is only the result of: Obama. Everything is always his fault. Surely this is so, because blaming George Dubya Bush for everything was just getting old. Oh, and the one guy quit. Whathisname...
Conclusion is: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! PROTESTER ATTACKING ME! WITH A JAR OF BREAD AND BUTTER PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME! THIS @##$ING.....
That's all for IllogiNews tonight. Please be safe and have a cowtastic tomorrow.