IllogiNews:Illogico Co. unleashes dragon to scare competitors, gets arse burned
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14 Yoon Twenty'leven
ILLOGICO CO. HQ, ILLOGILAND - Crowds had a cow as, despite numerous band-aids, Illogico Co., top world corporation in cheese wheel production, publicly revealed burn marks on its arse due to recent attempts at monopolizing the world market in the cheese wheel with a fire-breathing dragon. Dragon Police, Fashion police, and all other sorts of police were rounded up to clean up the mess.
According to "evidence" (apparent professional term for "forgery"), Illogico Co. janitors pooled their collections of assorted change they had found whilst cleaning the headquarters (a few plastic boxes behind Starbucks, stealing bandwidth from their wifi) to go out and purchase a German Swelter Dragon, one of the 84 breeds of fire-breathing dragons. The Illogico Co. Board of Directors approved a plan submitted by workers to release the dragon upon other companies, potentially burning them to the ground, allowing Illogico Co. access to the entire market control.
The plan, however, failed miserably; as soon as the janitors let the dragon loose from its leash, it turned around and spit fireballs at the members of Illogico Co., providing severe burns on the arses of the Board of Directors.
Illogico Co. CEO Barmey the Dinosaur made a statement on the events: "I deny all accusations. Just because my arse got burned by a dragon doesn't mean I was going to use it to burn Cheesie Wheelie™ to the ground, even though it does. Uh, sue me."
Investigations on the allegations of the permutations and exacerbations of the janitors, boards of directors, and other suspects are pending, much like my patent.
The dragon, named Grüber, was not available for comment.
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