IllogiNews:Trilobite invasion imminent, Pentagon balls up

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Soon, only the Amish will be able-bodied.

TOPMOST EDGE, Sideways Looking South -- Earth is being invaded by ancient, sea-dwelling creatures, and the Pentagon is on "Big Deal" alert as the squeamish prepare for the Apocalypse. In measured, Quat Qaut cadences, seasonal paramilitary guard roam the countryside, seizing gelatinous contraband with vigorous strumps. Eager to gain the Major's favor, McClellan attaches himself to the final missile as it curries it's way toward the sun.

Trilobite aficionado Levi-Setti states with unabashed candor: "And a final discovery---that the refracting interface between the two lens elements in a trilobite’s eye was designed [emphasis added] in accordance with optical constructions worked out by Descartes and Huygens in the mid-seventeenth century--borders on sheer science fiction."

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