Intahnet
" “Since I am the Governor of California, I demand that Y.P.R. stay on the Intahnet.”"
-The grandmother of YPR on the Internet
Supposedly invented by The grandmother of YPR, the In-tah-net, or floppy disk distributed information volume, has been evolving and is slowly learning to dominate humanity and its demands for immediate porn. Through means of subtle, mind-controlling influences, as well as humanity's own foolishness, the Internet is slowly learning to make people serve and obey its desires rather than their own. Needless to say, the intahnet is still serious business.
The Intahnet was invented in mind as a highly dependable, high-speed, distributed, secure and powerful network so that in the event of a nuclear crisis, military officials would always have access to pornography. This government project was known as DARPA (Distribute And Replicate Pornographic Ambrosia). It has further been put forward as proof that a billion monkeys typing at random will not reproduce the works of Shakespeare.
The Intahnet is especially useful for young teenagers who wish to view free porn which they cannot legally view (Gay porn). Several examples of this include playing with people as it displays random numbers on boards, most notably on Wall Street in New York City. Slowly the Intahnet is forcing humanity into its own extinction, as it makes people produce gases to kill themselves, and others it just kills outright, such as South Koreans.
The Internet before the Intahnet
According to The Institute of Internet History [1] website, Internet means International Industrial Network of Steam Gulleys and Mechanical Actuators, is one of the most important technological developments in human history and was invented by Aldophus B. Huxley. Most of this is, however, a lie designed to ensnare the ignorant.
An alternate version of the Internet existed as early as 1986, This internet the presumed forefather of the modern version was known as Usenet and was used to transmit specially coded Instructions to Mechanical Steam Looms throughout America and other nations, this was used until as late as 2036 when it was finally updated to Internal Combustion. The internet was vastly improved, and to this day the conversion is seen as the greatest speed bump to ever be performed, the current ElectroMechanical Intahnet is said to be 28% slower overall than the Internal Combustion Internet.
How it works
It is a computer network that uses Internet Protocol technology to securely share any part of an organization's information or network operating system within that organization. The term is used in contrast to internet, a network between organizations, and instead refers to a network within an organization.
Sometimes the term refers only to the organization's internal website, but may be a more extensive part of the organization's information technology infrastructure. It may host multiple private websites and constitute an important component and focal point of internal communication and collaboration. Any of the well known Internet protocols may be found in an intranet, such as HTTP (web services), SMTP (e-mail), and FTP (file transfer protocol). Internet technologies are often deployed to provide modern interfaces to legacy information systems hosting corporate data.
Little known facts
The invention of the Intahnet drastically helped illiteracy to spread, and by 2012, many people when on a computer replaced spoken language with Txt Spk, Google Talk, Leetspeak or N00b Talk. The price drop in AOL almost destroyed what was left.
The unit to measure intahnet traffic is a telegram, an SI-unit. To calculate the connection speed you need to move a certain amount of telegrams:
- Translate your message into Morse code.
- Calculate the amount of beeps. Make no distinction between long and short beeps.
- The number you end up with is the connection speed in bps (beeps per second) that you'll need for the message to go through.
Many individuals, from Bill Gates to Dr. Thinker, have tried to own the copyright to the Intahnet, resulting in several massive conflicts known as the Internet wars against it's overlord the King of the Internet.
Favour among ISPs
When the concept of the Intranet really took off, some internet service providers such as AT&T, COVAD and BT relied on an Intranet to keep customers hooked up, as not only was it cheaper but it also made much more money, with little-to-no downside on the customer's behalf either. Even AOL and Comcast used them for a very short period, before switching back to the old method. British Telecom claimed that one of the benefits was that it made it easier for governments to monitor all posts, but when it was quickly proven to actually make it harder for government spying, BT and AOL stopped using it.
Another plus-side was that even in countries or planets without any internet access, as long as a modem and a computer was available, then the internet could be connected to. This was unintentional, but it could also deprive people of their internet access if it is turned off.