Las Vegas
Widely recognized as the cultural, financial and culinary capital of the United States, Las Vegas is a bustling city located in Neverland. It also serves as the Christian Mecca, a holy land for all Methodists and Calvinists alike.
Like a huge, illuminated bouncy castle in the desert, Las Vegas is a shiny place which was constructed by mice from old vegetables carved into shape with little plastic spoons. There are many places in Vegas made to look like the places which they really are, only smaller. It is one of the few places in the United States of America where gambling, and, more controversially, marriage, is not only legal but is actively encouraged and practised by the inhabitants, who are all 60% (120 proof), and highly flammable.
People
According to the U.S. Census, Las Vegas is one of the most ethnically-diverse cities in the country. It has a large Middle Eastern population, centered around the Alladin, Luxor and Caesar's Palace districts of Las Vegas. The Sahara is located on the outskirts of Las Vegas and is the ancestral home of the area's nomadic casino-worker population. The city's European heritage is showcased in its Venetian, Bellagio and Paris districts.
Las Vegas is also home to many powerful celebrities including singers Gomer Pyle, Elvis, the Dion Quintuplets and other immortal members of the Rat Pack.
Every weekend, many single, attractive young women from Los Angeles descend on Las Vegas in the hopes of meeting a nice boy from the Midwest to start a family. They are generally at the craps tables wearing tight tops and stiletto heels.
Las Vegas is home to many powerful Celebrities including Tom Cruise, Adolf Hitler, and the Original Jesus. But apart from celebraties, who make up -10% of the population of Las Vegas, the rest of the population are as follows:
- Dinosaurs: 45%
- Carnies: 30%
- Prostitutes and loose women (generally with carnies): 15%
- Reporters, who at the same time are fighting the Vietnam War: 15%
- Stoners and their lawyers: 4.9999%
- Annoying little kids with 'morals': 0.0001%
- Barbara Bush: 100% (when she visits, everybody leaves)
Activities
Las Vegas is one of the few places in the U.S. where gambling, and, more controversially, Elvis impersonation, is not only legal but is actively encouraged and practised by visitors and locals. Many of the locals came to Las Vegas for vacation or honeymoon, and decided to stay there and make it their life's work to win their money back. To many locals, the city is affectionately known as Lost Vegas.
Las Vegas is a place generally feared by most people, including locals. This is because it is overrun by convention visitors, and if you are not careful they can attack, or if you are even more unlucky they can sit around sip cocktails, and not offer you any. Las Vegas city bylaws dictate that each hotel in the city must at at all times be hosting at least one convention.
Architecture
There are many places in Las Vegas made to look like the places which they really are, only smaller. Before America's intellectual property laws were strengthened, many foreign cities appropriated timeless architectural landmarks from Las Vegas which they now call them their own. Prominent examples of this are a sleepy town in France which erected a structure it calls the Eiffel Tower in imitation of the imposing tower in Las Vegas' Paris district, and a village in Egypt which copied pyramids and sphinxes from the Aladdin, Luxor and Caesar's Palace districts of Las Vegas.
The city's New York New York Casino was bombed in 2001 on 9/11 by disgruntled craps players but a newer and better casino has now been built in its place. An oversize memorial slot machine has been built at the epicenter of the explosion.
Public Opinion of Las Vegas
Vegan cuisine
Las Vegas is famed for its buffets and, obviously, for its world-renowned Vegan cuisine. The baked and marinated tofu and tempeh dishes are especially popular with tourists and locals alike at the city's numerous and well-priced buffets.
Animal attacks
Las Vegas is a place generally feared and hated by most people. This is because Las Vegas is overrun by dinosaurs, and if you are not careful they can attack, or if you are even more unlucky they can sit around sip cocktails, and not offer you any. Often referred to as Anti-Elko, state law dictates that all conventions must be held at cheesy Las Vegas hotels.
Carnies are another of the many dangers in Las Vegas, they will force you to procceed through a portal they call a "turnstyle", this thing will transport you to a crazy world where bright lights flash everywhere. These bright lights aren't natural lights seen when one participates in kitten huffing, they are harsh unnatural lights. And if you are not careful these carnies will then procede to have sex with your polar bear.