List of People Ya' Gonna Call
In this world there are many people that which you are going to call. As a matter of fact, there is only a select number of these people, which you are going to call. But, why? Why are you going to call them? Well, as a matter of fact, it is one of the natural instinct of humans, proven by the great scientist Charles Darwin. Although we may not know it, but at this very moment you are thinking about calling one of the people that you are going to call. And you will call them. No matter what. Even if you say that you are not calling them, you will. If you refuse to call them, you will be tormented by a 1,000 years of bad juju, which involves a pack of travelling pugs following you. For your viewing pleasure we have assembled a line a turtles, next to which is a list of "People Ya' Gonna Call", with reasons. Enjoy.
The Pizza Guy
It's a Friday night. You are sitting at home, in your shabby apartment. You are watching reruns of Spongebob, on your beat up old TV, which still has those old bunny ear antennae. As you try not to fall asleep, you come to a great realization: You are hungry. Craving for an relatively un-healthy snack, you get up and stumble to your rusty fridge. You open the door and look inside. You see a frozen can of corn, a moldy piece of cheese, and your iPod. Noticing that you have nothing edible to eat, you make your way to your telephone. You pick it up and realize that the cord has been cut. You walk out of you apartment, nearly un-phased. You shuffle into a public phone, and dial a number. A number which just happens to be the same number as the pizza place, which is ten blocks to the left of your pad. You order an extra jumbo large, five topping pizza, with a side of 20 breadsticks, 50 wings, and both sauces. Satisfied, you stumble back to your building, clearly pleased with yourself. 30 minutes or less later, your order arrives. You smell that sweet smell of cheap Italian food. Ready to engorge yourself in pizza goodness, you remember something: there's a catch! The bill. Oh, how you dread the bill. The Pizza Guy hands you it. $234.78. You hesitate for a moment, then you think of an ingenious response. "Put it on the super's tab!". The delivery guy hands you your order, and you run back inside, mouth watering. You open the box, eyes wild. When you look inside, you are dissapointed. There is only a sticky note with something scribbled on it. You pick it up. It says: "I am sorry, I ran out of cats to eat! Cheers! --KFC MAN". Oh noes.
GHOSTS!!!
Who ya' gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!!
The Cable Guy
Let's say you are at home. You are sitting on your nice comfy couch, watching "the game" on your television. As you chew on a chicken wing, you see the screen of your TV start to flicker. Your wildest fears become reality as you see that your cable is acting up. You say to yourself, "I knew I should have got Verizon Fios...". Sombrely, you feebly crawl over to your phone, and you dial for your local cable service. The guy says that he will be there in a little bit. So, you sit down and start to read an extremely boring book on how to fix a cable box. After what seems like hours the doorbell rings. You open the door to find a short chubby man with balding orange hair standing there. His dirty cable guy jumpsuit is smeared with an unidentifiable substance. "So, where's the problemo?" the man asks you. You direct him to your cable box. The man tinkers with it curiously, driving a screwdriver through the top of it. Unamused, he spots your half eaten chicken wing and decides to consume it in front of you. Outraged you smack his hand. The cable man is not phased, he continues to eat every last morsel of food in your household. He then leaves the property with a full stomach.
Incomplete list of Other People Ya' Gonna Call
- GHOSTBUSTERS!
- The Argos complaints office.
- The police.
- Your nan, returning the woolly jumper.
- Your mum.
- A chatline.